Mark works with many
geriatric patients that have slipped into varying forms of dementia. He talks
about how it’s common for the mind to fixate back to a certain point in
childhood. One man kept muttering over and over again, “Scrambled egg and
toast,” and Mark said that’s probably what his mom made him before school in
the mornings. He jokes that Ben and Clara will one day be muttering, “Crepes
and Motown,” their memory falling back to Saturday mornings in the kitchen with
their crazy mom using the spatula as a microphone.
The thing that I
can’t shake is the part where Mark gets quiet and his eyes grow soft as he talks
about how the mind slips back to that magic spot – whether it’s a good or bad
memory. The bad memories are heartbreaking for him to watch, unable to free
that feeble mind from the grips of some past pain brought once again to the
forefront of the mind.
The mind, the heart,
and our memories — the power they hold is beyond our comprehension. If we had a
theory, approach to parenting and life as a family I think it would be the old
adage, “begin with the end in mind.” From discipline and encouragement, to
exposure to nature and the arts, to teaching kindness and manners, to
apologizing when we make a mistake or lose our temper…the focus is always on
shaping these little humans into capable, loving, engaged creatures.
We can get mired
down in the stress of the little day to day things, the weight of worry causing
our minds to focus (ok, obsess) on each step in the journey and in this mode of
obsession we always fall short. Are we having a grand enough life? Giving our
kids the excitement and experiences they need to thrive? Did today broaden
their perspective? Engage them? Teach them something new?
When I take a deep
breath and stop listening to the over stimulated madness, a peace washes over
me. Because at that end point, I believe whatever grips your heart and mind
comes from a memory of feeling, not experience. It’s not the amazing trip, the
winning lottery ticket, the perfect house filled with the perfect things that
fill those deepest parts of our soul. My heart trusts, even with my not always
stellar parenting skills, that what is lodged deep in my childrens' heart is a
sense of comfort, love, security and belonging.
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| Don't you love our new beach house? HA! |
