Game Plan

Mark works with many geriatric patients that have slipped into varying forms of dementia. He talks about how it’s common for the mind to fixate back to a certain point in childhood. One man kept muttering over and over again, “Scrambled egg and toast,” and Mark said that’s probably what his mom made him before school in the mornings. He jokes that Ben and Clara will one day be muttering, “Crepes and Motown,” their memory falling back to Saturday mornings in the kitchen with their crazy mom using the spatula as a microphone.

The thing that I can’t shake is the part where Mark gets quiet and his eyes grow soft as he talks about how the mind slips back to that magic spot – whether it’s a good or bad memory. The bad memories are heartbreaking for him to watch, unable to free that feeble mind from the grips of some past pain brought once again to the forefront of the mind.

The mind, the heart, and our memories — the power they hold is beyond our comprehension. If we had a theory, approach to parenting and life as a family I think it would be the old adage, “begin with the end in mind.” From discipline and encouragement, to exposure to nature and the arts, to teaching kindness and manners, to apologizing when we make a mistake or lose our temper…the focus is always on shaping these little humans into capable, loving, engaged creatures.

We can get mired down in the stress of the little day to day things, the weight of worry causing our minds to focus (ok, obsess) on each step in the journey and in this mode of obsession we always fall short. Are we having a grand enough life? Giving our kids the excitement and experiences they need to thrive? Did today broaden their perspective? Engage them? Teach them something new?

When I take a deep breath and stop listening to the over stimulated madness, a peace washes over me. Because at that end point, I believe whatever grips your heart and mind comes from a memory of feeling, not experience. It’s not the amazing trip, the winning lottery ticket, the perfect house filled with the perfect things that fill those deepest parts of our soul. My heart trusts, even with my not always stellar parenting skills, that what is lodged deep in my childrens' heart is a sense of comfort, love, security and belonging.

Don't you love our new beach house? HA!

Who knows where memory will take them all those years down the road? Crepes and Motown, running in the waves at the beach, movie nights cuddled on the sofa, the family dinner table on taco night, holding the bowl while they get sick…the detail or memory doesn’t really matter because I know that I will be there. That even in their old age, I will get to be with them still, beyond time and rational understanding. That is the most priceless gift and biggest motivator to let go of the crazy pressure and comparing and just build our own little Casa Watson life, one crepe at a time.